Laws of the Three Weeks

Q: Is it permissible to listen to music during the Three Weeks?

Answer: These days are days of mourning over the destruction of the Temple, and although our Sages did not establish special ordinances to express sorrow and mourning during this time, Jews have adopted some mourning customs during the Three Weeks, including refraining from holding dances and festivities (Magen Avraham 551:10).

As a result, the poskim (Jewish law arbiters) of the previous generation debated whether it is permissible to listen to musical instruments through home electrical devices during the Three Weeks. As the years pass and listening to music through electrical devices becomes more common, the festive nature of this activity diminishes. In practice, songs can be divided into three categories:

1. The first is joyous songs, such as wedding songs, which should be avoided from the beginning of the Three Weeks.

2. The second category includes songs that are neither particularly joyous nor sad, including most contemporary songs and most classical compositions, which should be avoided from the beginning of the month of Av.

3. The third category consists of sad songs, such as mourning songs for a deceased person or songs about the destruction of the Temple, which are permitted to be listened to even during the Nine Days.

Lowering the Volume of Music

When music is played loudly, even if it is neutral in nature, the volume gives the song a festive quality, making it like a joyous song. Therefore, even songs that are permitted to be heard during the Three Weeks should not be listened to at high volume. Similarly, one should not attend a concert of sad music (such as a requiem) during the Three Weeks, because even though it is mournful music, a concert in general is a festive and joyous event (Peninei Halakha: Z’manim 8:4).

Dance Classes and Aerobics Classes

Dance classes, concerts, and joyous singing events should not be held or attended during the Three Weeks.

An aerobics class accompanied by music, which is primarily for exercise purposes, can be held until the end of the month of Tammuz, and efforts should be made to use music that is not known to be joyous.

Educational-Cultural Events

At an educational-cultural event, it is permissible to play music that is appropriate to its nature. Even during the Nine Days, it is permissible to play sad songs that express sorrow over the destruction of the Temple and songs of longing for the building up of Torah, the nation, and the land (see Peninei Halakha: Zmanim 8:4).

It is also permissible to hold an evening of singing focused on devotion to God and longing for redemption during the Three Weeks, as these are not joyous songs. During the Nine Days, it is permissible to hold a talk and incorporate singing and music of songs about the sorrow of the destruction and longing for redemption.

Music and Singing at Meals Celebrating a Mitzvah

It is permissible to sing joyous songs at meals required as celebration of a mitzvah during the Three Weeks, such as at a brit milah (circumcision), pidyon haben (redemption of the firstborn), and sheva brachot (seven blessings after a wedding). Until the end of the month of Tammuz, it is also permissible to play music as is customary throughout the year.

Once the month of Av begins, joyous songs should not be played through electronic devices, and only songs related to the joy of the mitzvah may be sung vocally. It is also permissible to dance in a circle, as many customarily do at a brit milah celebration.

Music during Havdalah and Melave Malka

Families that are accustomed to playing sacred songs on Saturday night may continue to do so until the beginning of the month of Av, because the atmosphere of Shabbat, which does not include mourning customs, still lingers in the hours designated for the melave malka meal. Additionally, these are sacred songs.

Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah

Until the beginning of the month of Av, it is permissible to celebrate a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah on the day of entering into mitzvot. It is also permissible to hire musicians, provided that this is their custom throughout the year. When it is difficult to hold the party on the same day and they want to hold it on one of the nearby days, it is appropriate for the bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah celebrant to complete an important book of study at the beginning of the event, thus allowing them to hold the celebration with music or musicians as is customary throughout the year. I

f they cannot make a siyum (completion of study), they can rely on a siyum made by one of the relatives. When there is no such possibility, they can, as a last resort, rely on the bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah speech, which is an important Torah discourse, clarifying that the essence of the party is to celebrate entering into mitzvot.

However, during the Nine Days, it is not possible to celebrate a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah as is customary throughout the year, since it is usual to invite many participants and play music, which is prohibited during the Nine Days. Therefore, it is appropriate to postpone the large party until after Tisha B’Av, and on the day of reaching mitzvot age, a home meal can be arranged with meat and wine and a limited number of guests (Peninei Halakha: Z’manim 8:3).

Trips and Vacations in Hotels

It is permissible to hike and bathe in the sea or in a pool until the beginning of the month of Av, because only from the beginning of Av did our Sages instruct to reduce joy, but before then there is no prohibition on doing things that bring pleasure and enjoyment, and only events of excessive joy should be avoided. Therefore, it is permitted to hike, bathe, and vacation in a hotel until the end of the month of Tammuz.

Once Av begins, joy is reduced, so one should avoid trips and recreational activities that are primarily for pleasure and joy.

However, a trip or vacation that is primarily for educational or health purposes is permitted during the Nine Days.

Swimming During the Nine Days

From the beginning of the month of Av, one should not swim for recreational purposes. However, if swimming is for health purposes, for example, people who regularly swim for half an hour every day in a pool, it is permitted until Shabbat Chazon, and after Shabbat Chazon it is appropriate to be stricter. Those who need to swim for medical reasons may swim until the eve of Tisha B’Av (see Peninei Halakha: Z’manim 8:5).

‘Shehecheyanu’ During the Three Weeks

It is customary to refrain from reciting the Shehecheyanu blessing during the Three Weeks, for how can we bless “Who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this time” during a time of calamity? Although some are strict about this even on Shabbatot during the Three Weeks, in practice, one may recite Shehecheyanu on Shabbat.

If one has the opportunity to perform a mitzvah that requires the Shehecheyanu blessing, such as a brit milah, they should recite Shehecheyanu (Shulchan Aruch 551:17). Similarly, one who sees a dear friend after not seeing them for thirty days and is happy to see them, should recite Shehecheyanu, for if they do not recite it, they will miss the opportunity for the blessing.

Shopping During the Three Weeks

Since we do not recite Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks, one should not make purchases that require the Shehecheyanu blessing, such as a new garment or utensil that requires this blessing. However, items that do not require Shehecheyanu because they are not so important, such as socks and undershirts, may be purchased until the end of the month of Tammuz. Similarly, a couple may purchase furniture, because since they are partners in it, the blessing is “Hatov VeHameitiv” (Who is good and does good) and not Shehecheyanu. However, an individual should refrain from buying furniture, as its blessing is Shehecheyanu (ibid. 8:6).

During the Nine Days, business activities are reduced, so one should not purchase joyous items even when they do not require Shehecheyanu, such as socks and undershirts, as well as furniture for family use that requires the “Hatov VeHameitiv” blessing. Online purchases are also included in this prohibition (ibid. 8:15).

Weddings

Most Jewish communities have the custom not to perform weddings during the Three Weeks. This is the custom of all Ashkenazi communities and most Sephardic communities, including those from Turkey, Morocco, Babylon, and Yemen.

There are some Sephardic communities that only refrain from weddings during the Nine Days, as written in the Shulchan Aruch (551:2, Yabi’a Omer 6:43).

Grooms from communities that allow weddings until the end of the month of Tammuz may invite a regular band to their wedding, as there is no joy for a bride and groom without musical instruments. Even those who follow the custom not to get married during these days may participate and dance at their celebration, as it is a mitzvah celebration.

Engagements

Large engagement parties should not be held during the Three Weeks. Even those who are lenient about holding weddings are not lenient about holding an engagement party in a hall. However, it is permissible to hold a home engagement party until the end of the month of Tammuz with songs and dancing as is customary, because it is a mitzvah celebration of the couple’s agreement to marry.

During the Nine Days, when joy should be reduced, it is forbidden even to hold a modest home engagement party. However, it is permissible for the parents of the bride and groom to meet and set the terms of the wedding. Even though there is joy in this meeting and light refreshments are served, since it will make the relationship between the couple a finalized fact, and it brings them closer to the mitzvah of marriage, it is permitted to hold it. Similarly, it is permissible and even a mitzvah for single people to meet during the Nine Days for the purpose of marriage (ibid. 8:9).

Haircuts during the Three Weeks and Nine Days

Our Sages ordained not to get haircuts or launder clothes during the week in which Tisha B’Av falls (Ta’anit 26b). Some Sephardic Jews follow the custom of not getting haircuts from the beginning of the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, but they do get haircuts before then (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 551:3).

However, many communities have adopted the stricter custom of not getting haircuts during the entire Three Weeks. This is the custom of all Ashkenazi Jews, as well as some Sephardic Jews, including those from Morocco and Djerba, and those who follow the customs of the Ari (Rema 551:4; Kaf HaChaim 80; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch Toledano 387:8, Brit Kehuna 2:12). The custom of Jews from Tunisia, Algeria, and Libya is not to get haircuts from the beginning of the month of Av.

Haircuts for a Mitzvah Celebration

For a brit milah, when necessary, it is permissible for the father of the baby, the sandak (godfather), and the mohel (circumciser) to get haircuts until the week in which Tisha B’Av falls. It is appropriate for a bar mitzvah celebrant not to get a haircut during these days, as he can get a haircut before the 17th of Tammuz. However, the father of a bar mitzvah celebrant who usually shaves every day can shave for his son’s bar mitzvah meal until the week in which Tisha B’Av falls.

Shaving During the Three Weeks

According to those who observe the custom of not getting haircuts during the Three Weeks, some poskim are of the opinion that one should also be strict about not shaving. Many who are meticulous in observance follow this practice. On the other hand, some believe that there is no prohibition against shaving until the end of the month of Tammuz, because shaving does not involve any festivity but only removes unkemptness. It is appropriate for each person to follow their father’s custom. For someone without an established custom, it seems that until the beginning of the month of Av, it is good to shave every Friday for Shabbat, and if they want to shave every day – they are permitted to do so.

However, from the beginning of the month of Av, and even for Shabbat Chazon, according to the custom of Ashkenazi Jews and some Sephardic Jews, it is appropriate not to shave. And in the week in which Tisha B’Av falls, according to all opinions, it is forbidden to shave (Peninei Halakha: Z’manim 8:9,).

This article appears in the ‘Besheva’ newspaper and was translated